As the world becomes a melting pot, it was inevitable the expansion of our culture would require adaptation as it grew and became more acceptable into today's society.  As more and more "Vanilla" people find images of BDSM scattered across the internet and becoming more visible in their culture.  Images of their favorite celebrities wrapped in latex, shows like American Horror Stories putting the gimp suit out there, and the ability for us to share fun images across social media to our friends and family members.  Society has become aware we exist!  

     Our problem is that there is such a blurred line of what the lifestyle is actually about.  You ask 100 people and you get 99 different answers, which in itself is amazing!  The problem is that we as a culture need labels, while I personally hate labels, note my name is Algo "Something", labels to serve a role in trying to explain the vast complexities of the human mind.  Which in reality, BDSM and this lifestyle is all about doing just that, tapping into someone's deepest desires and bringing them to life in a controlled environment with mutual consent.  

     But what does it all mean, what if you aren't sure of what you are?  How do you learn more?  How do you have your first experience?  Do you need to behave a certain way?  Is fetish clothing required?  Do I need toys?  All of these questions I hope to answer for everyone as we grow our forums and create more and more tutorial videos for the community.  But realize, as you grow, as you learn more and more, your interests will change, you may find you are very submissive at first and become more dominant as your needs in life change.  There are no rules, you create your own reality, so enjoy it and find someone who is just as willing to explore!  

     So you ask, what is the difference between Fetish and BDSM?  I myself label fetish as everything, every desire, every thought that races in your mind, that what "if" that you've always thought about, that smell you can't get enough of, that fabric you like to run your hands across when you walk past it in the store, that naughty item or thing that catches your eye, or perhaps you just have a fetish for baseball as it brings you great joy.  A Fetish is anything that makes you feel happy, something that has made you wet, got your dick/cock/manstick hard.  Something you fantasize about, something you have a deep or perhaps hidden desire that makes you feel special, like it's your "precious".  

     In my humble opinion, fetishes are the gateway to BDSM.  So if you like gateway drugs, I highly recommend Fetish.  It's a great place to start and its fun to explore specific activities that just really turn you on.  For example, you may just really have a desire to suck on some toes/lick some feet (Foot Fetish), you may not have the desire to be collared or spanked.  This is OK!  Foot fetish is one of the biggest gateway fetishes I've ever seen and can definitely be a great place to start learning about what else might turn you on.  Women who enjoy foot fetish are not necessarily Dominant either, you can find all sorts of fun play partners that suite your other needs and desires. 

     BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline Sadism & Masochism.  This is very closely related to a Dom / sub relationship, but you may find people who are less serious about being so closely connected with a partner and prefer to be just play partners a Top / bottom relationship.  This is a more classical relationship, where you see a Mistress / Master and a submissive / slave partnering up to explore their desires.  It is much more common for these types of relationships to be more devoted (one dominant with one slave or multiple slaves) and involve collars, mental / physical bondage, corporal punishment, rules / tasks, servitude, etc.  Honesty, open communication, a desire of the submissive to make the Dominant's life better, and a desire for the Dominant to expand and explore their submissives desires/limits will make these types of relationships amazing.  

      Partners in a BDSM relationship can find connection and a trust between them that is unmatched.  To participate in this type of relationship, respect for both the Dominant and submissive are required.  The submissive should try starting on their knees, which is how I always recommend approaching someone who you would like to call your Dominant.  Remember your place is to serve and the Dominant, while glorious, is not a mind reader.  You must express your desires.  As a Dominant, you must repsect this is a human kneeling before you who is putting their trust that you may hurt but you will not harm them.  You need to understand how you can make your submissive a stronger human and push their limits to make them stronger.  You are taking control of their being, it is a gift, you are not entitled, for the sake of the community, always remember how special of a gift your submissives really are.

    So many people think of screams and pain when associating with BDSM, and it is true, there are Sadists and Masochists that take things to the edge.  Their love of pain, Algolagnia, makes them desire the intense emotions surrounding such play.  The release of endorphins can give them a high like no other drug and it's magical how they can hold off their desires of screaming for mercy and turn that energy into something sexual.  Something better than sex in many ways, freeing of their control allowing themselves to be helpless to the desires of their tormentor.  Romantic, intense, and humbling all at the same time.  

     But BDSM isn't just about pain, its about control, its about surrender, its about connecting with your Dominant in ways that you have never imagined.  Becoming one, having someone to rely on and support you.  It's about respect.  While, the pain can be used as corrective discipline, to remind that submissive of their place, you shouldn't look at is as just pain.  The paddle doesn't have to be swung at full speed, and the goal of the play is to create sensations, to bring the skin alive, so don't be scared to try new items and start slow, 1000 light strokes and you can play with your submissive all night long.  100 hard strokes and you may be looking for ice after your done in 20 minutes.  It's important to be sure your partner is compatible with your style of play.  

    When entering a BDSM relationship, be sure to communicate if you are ok with marks.  If you express you do not want marks, then the Dominant should respect your wishes and keep play to a lighter side of things.  While some small marks may happen when experimenting, they are learning you just as much as you are learning them, if they do not respect your wishes, this is a sign you should move on to a new partner.  Sadism/Masochism, much like Fetish, is not what BDSM is all about... they are one in the same but in a more extreme way, think of them as outliers, BDSM is the center, Fetish is on the introductory end, Sadist is on the experienced extreme players only end.  Tread slowly, you have nothing but time, explore, build your tolerances, and find fun partners to play with. As always, keep things safe, sane, and consensual! 

     Thank you for reading my thoughts on this subject, I welcome you to leave your feedback and tell us what you think of Fetish, BDSM, Sadism/Masochism.  Tell us about your experiences, tell us how the lifestyle has changed you, what you expect when playing with new partners.  I'll be starting new fun threads on multiple topics, let us know if you want to see us discuss anything specifically.

Play Safe!

Algo

This post was edited by Algo at October 15, 2022 6:12 PM EDT